... a crisis of sorts..

Thar Desert

... i remember when i finished university everyone was talking about the "quarter life crisis"... apparently, this happened in your mid-20's when you finished your degree and had to make a decision on what you were going to do with the rest of your life... for some reason, i totally couldn't relate to this, i mean, i had decided to go to teacher's college, there was no crisis.. teaching was a viable career path and the rest would work itself out.. or so i thought...
...returning from school into an environment where every second person you meet is a teacher and jobs are more scarce than winning lottery tickets, this "quarter life crisis" has pushed itself to the centre of my life... every day feels like an internal struggle between trying to make a go of something that i'm interested in,  while teaching hangs out in the wings, and trying to pay the bills..  everyone around me seems to be settling into their careers and are working themselves up the corporate ladder, where as i find myself working in a job that doesn't interest me in the slightest...  daily i feel plagued with questions of how i got here and how i can move on from this.. i've tried to be productive by searching for jobs and applying for pretty much anything that sparks the slightest interest... but my efforts have resulted in either silence or a series of interviews where my lack of passion becomes all to apparent mid-conversation... how can i be passionate when i don't even know what i want?!
....at night i lay in bed and try and remember the girl that was so full of dreams.. in high school i had so many aspirations that my biggest concern was finding the time to fit it all in... i wanted to see the world first and foremost, to travel to places where others or, at least, few dared... i wanted to help people, to do something that would make my life have meaning long after i was gone... i wanted to spend a year as an artist on the streets of Paris, go camping in the Serengeti, work with kids in distant lands, live in many cities.. experience every thing life had to offer. I was so passionate about everything that i often had difficulty trying to focus that passion...
...being a teacher was never one of my dreams, but it seemed to encompass many of my interests.. i figured i wouldn't be just any teacher but rather, an extraordinary teacher... i would be inspired by some of the great teachers of my schooling and leave my imprint on the lives of others.. i came back from teacher's college so fueled with ideas and aspirations that i could barely contain myself... unfortunately, these aspirations were not shared by the employment climate.. so far, this endeavour has not been fruitful, but i have to hang on to the idea that it may the answer... perhaps where i belong..
i know people always say that things happen when they're supposed to.. but i hate to admit that my patience is running thin..

Summer turned to winter

And the snow it turned to rain

And the rain turned into tears upon your face

I hardly recognized the girl you are today

And god I hope it's not too late

It's not too late

'Cause you are not alone

I'm always there with you

And we'll get lost together

Till the light comes pouring through

'Cause when you feel like you're done

And the darkness has won

Babe, you're not lost

When your worlds crashing down

And you can't bear the thought

I said, babe, you're not lost

Life can show no mercy

It can tear your soul apart

It can make you feel like you've gone crazy

But you're not

Things have seem to changed

There's one thing that's still the same

In my heart you have remained

And we can fly fly fly away

'Cause you are not alone

And I am there with you

And we'll get lost together

Till the light comes pouring through

'Cause when you feel like you're done

And the darkness has won

Babe, you're not lost

When the worlds crashing down

And you can not bear the cross

I said, baby, you're not lost

I said, baby, you're not lost

I said, baby, you're not lost

I said, baby, you're not lost

- Michael Buble