so just about nearing the end of this french adventure... funny how when you reflect on things near the end they seem to have gone by so quickly and yet reflecting at the beginning, things seem as though they might never end... bizzare..... anyways... this week markes the last week in this alternate french universe... it's funny what an impact language can have on a situation.... i mean 3pistoles is no monterrey and yet at times it felt just as foreign... and though i've only been here a fifth of the time i was in mex, to some degree it feels like the same amount of time... i've made some friends that i won't soon forget but at the same time i find myself wondering, "how is it that one can continue to live this sort of life of insecurity?"...
i've said many times in my life that i always wanted to continue travelling and that i couldn't see myself settled for a long time, if ever.... but as time wears on, my perspective has begun to change... eventhough wherever i go i manage to make incrediable friends, i've learned that there's nothing more difficult than realizing after you've made a certain connection, that you 're going to have to leave it.... and soon... try as i may it is unavoidable...
i told myself coming here that i was going to try and avoid becoming overly attached to people for that simple fear of again, having to let them go... for the most party i have achieved that but a few have managed to sneak through my radar... yes it's great to have international friends that give you the excuse and opportunity to travel, but it's also incrediably lonely realizing that though you may have a hundred more friends than the average person, you are utterly alone the majority of the time... sometimes i just feel so completely isolated... my friends, scattered as they are, seem to get the impression that i'm too busy on my exploits to have any time for them and they too begin to develope a life that seems to exclude me... in a way i alienate them into alienating me in return... this is not done (for the most part) through resentment, but rather just naturally and unconsciously... out and sight truely does become out of mind... and this is not something that necessarily can be prevented... i always thought i had created for myself a strong network of close friends that i could count on any time i was in need... and for the most part i believe i have... but there have been many times where i felt as though i had no one to talk to and as a result have found myself turning to a stranger... now this is much more exhausting as it requires more explainations, but i've found that it can also be incrediably rewarding... finding someone you barely know that you can actually trust can build the foundations to some of my strongest relationships... that fearless openning up and exposing your insecurities to the scrutiny of the harsh world can actually bring you closer to a stranger... this has become a major part of my new philosophy... i've realized that many of the walls that stand between people, come from the fear of judgement... but these walls can slowly be broken down by the simple act of honesty and trust... the results are truely shocking.... so when asked if i learned anything on this latest journey, my answer is yes.... forever learning... now, which language should i attempt next??
